Over and Out

Three years ago I made the decision to move to Zambia. As I look back now, I think it’s one of the best decisions I ever made. I expected my time there to be full of adventures and challenges, and I was not disappointed in either respect. Yet I didn’t anticipate quite how much I would learn and how much it would impact my life.

Final day of fun at Kapumpe

An unwanted visitor at Kaniki

Oops - I got stuck in the mud!

Now I’m back living in the UK, life generally seems easier yet busier and somehow less simple at the same time. My time in Zambia has made me reflect on how I live, what I spend my time on and what I am most passionate about. You may not be surprised to hear that my experience in Zambia has motivated me to want to work in international development.

The Zambian flag at Kaniki

Job hunting has certainly been interesting! When I first arrived back home, I was convinced it was time to leave the teaching profession and move into the charity sector. However, it took quite some time to figure out exactly what I wanted to do and where my skills could be transferrable. In the meantime, I found myself temporarily back at my old school doing supply teaching. A few months on, I’m excited to have secured a role in a brilliant Christian international relief and development charity called Tearfund (http://www.tearfund.org/), where I started last week. This new venture and career path will also see me moving to London within the next few weeks. So it’s all change again!

I plan to continue supporting Kapumpe Christian Primary School and the Arise Orphan Project. I love hearing about how the projects are going and I want to continue my involvement, even though it will need to be in a different way than when I was physically there in Zambia. So as a result, I’m going to join the team of UK trustees who support the projects financially and with advice. So, although this will be my final blog post, if you do see me in person then it certainly won’t be the last you hear about Kapumpe and Arise!

At the Grade 1 Hair Salon

One of the Kapumpe pupils with little Archie
(who unfortunately I couldn't bring back to the UK!)

During my time away I learned so much about people and culture which I find fascinating. I’ve felt particularly challenged by issues of poverty. It is therefore no coincidence that I have found Tearfund’s Lifestyle articles (https://lifestyle.tearfund.org/) really helpful in considering everyday ethical issues about things like food, travelling and shopping. And it has left me feeling challenged to have an ‘attitude of gratitude’.

A wonderful moment to remember -
seeing this guardian walk independently

for the first time since I met her!

With one of the pre-schoolers supported by Arise

There is something amazing about living in a totally different context, outside of your own familiarity and comfort zone which challenges your beliefs, your perceptions of life and who you are. There’s a risk that you might not be the same again! For me, the biggest things I’ve learned are about God. I am convinced there is a God who created the universe, who gives us life and who deserves our praise. He gives me purpose for living and hope for the future. This is definitely what has enabled me to find peace in two seemingly different worlds and to cope with the unanswered questions that life often throws at us.

Visiting Arise families

In summary, I am hugely grateful for the time I spent in Zambia, for the privilege of getting to know many wonderful people there and for what I learned from them. And as I draw my blog to a close, I would also like say an enormous thank you to everyone who encouraged me and supported me financially or in prayer, having made it possible for me to live and work there. Thank you for taking an interest in my experiences and for finding the time to read my posts. Last but not least I’d like to say a very big thank you to my sister, Rachel, who edited over 100 blog posts for me!

A few of my wonderful Zambian friends

If you’d like to keep up to date with the fantastic work that continues at Kampumpe and Arise, you can follow their Facebook pages at Kapumpe Facebook Page and 

Arise Facebook Page or let me know if you would like to receive their termly newsletters. They rely on donations, prayer and support to make a difference to the lives of so many people. And finally, I’d encourage anyone who has ever wanted to travel, do something totally different, or step out of their comfort zone, to give it a try. Like me, it might be the best thing you’ve ever done!

From Kaniki with love xx

The Aftershock

I wanted to share how I have found the transition of moving back to the UK with my fellow missionary and expat friends in Zambia. Here is a letter to them which tries to explain my experience of reverse culture shock, or ‘aftershock’ as my sister Rhi and I used to call it when we returned from our first trips to Africa some years ago.

Rhi and I in Kenya in 2003

Dear friends,

Greetings from the UK! Hope you are all well and not feeling too chilly in the cold season. We’ve had some hot days here in England - it reached 30 degrees, but not quite like the hot season in Zambia with power cuts and lack of water! I am so grateful for your friendship, it's amazing how living in a foreign place makes you form a close community with like-minded people. It was great to be surrounded by people who supported and encouraged each other, and would do anything to help each other out regardless of their length of stay in Zambia.

Missionary/expat buddies in Ndola

You know the privilege and the wonderful experiences that come from living in another culture. But you also know the difficult and sometimes painful challenges that come with this. Having friends and 'family' in both places, frequently saying goodbye and never entirely fitting in. However much you embrace either life, you're a little torn inside. But of course, it's all totally worth it!

Having been back in the UK for two months, I've had some time to reflect on life in the UK and Zambia and my transition between the two. I know some of you will be moving back to your 'home' country in the next few months or years so I thought I would share a little of my experience of reverse culture shock, in case it helps you. Whilst everyone's experiences will be different, there may be some similarities. Hopefully sharing a few ideas based on what I have found helpful might prove useful to you in some way.

1) End well 

It really helped me to 'end' my time in Zambia well. I handed over my work to great people who share the vision for the projects I had worked on. I even had the privilege of seeing the school running without my involvement before I left. This showed me first-hand the bigger picture that I'd played a part in, and confirmed to me how important it is to always invest in those you work with. See who you want to see before you leave, and of course take lots of 'snaps' to keep as memories.

The new Kapumpe headteacher with Grade 4

2) Have something positive to go home to

It's not all about saying goodbye or leaving. As well as wanting to end well, you want to start your next journey well. Even if the future feels unknown, which it probably will, find something that you will look forward to or feel like you're moving towards - family and friends, church, a new job, a different adventure...

3) Take time out

I spent the first weekend hibernating at my parents' house, just hanging out. As well as giving me a chance to spend time with them, it also gave me a little time to get my head around being back in the UK before being thrust into a busy life, seeing lots of people and facing lots of questions. I would recommend doing this briefly if you can.

Dad, Mum and me

4) Invest in your friendships from 'that side'

I expect you've already found the value in doing this. Some people feel like others back at home forget them while they're away, but the reality is that everyone has busy lives, and so friendship requires investment on both sides. But the relationships are worth it. I have wonderful family and friends who kept in touch and supported me whilst I was out in Zambia. But this doesn't just happen, and I believe it needs to be a priority. I spent many hours writing blogs, emailing, speaking to people on Skype or chatting on WhatsApp. A lot of people kept themselves informed about my experiences and this really encouraged me.

I was a bit blown away by the welcome home I received. Some friends threw a surprise party on my first night back in Winchester, and as well as being completely surprised, I was very touched. Maybe not everyone will make the effort that you hoped they would, but it’s worth remembering that their lives have moved on too whilst you've been away. Show them a little grace (as people will do you) and over time you will know who you want to spend time with.

Some of my sneaky Winchester friends!

5) Enjoy the people and things you've missed

For my first five weeks back home I thoroughly enjoyed reunions with various friends and family, plus the benefits of living in a developed country - reliable power, water and WiFi to name but a few! This time it didn't feel like just a visit back, it felt like I was back for good even though I didn't know exactly what life was going to look like going forward. There are still lots of things to enjoy. For example, there's lots more going on and things to do here compared to Ndola (no Leeja Palace or Sunken Lake though!). I didn't find it overwhelming going to the supermarket, but instead I appreciated the convenience of being able to find whatever I was looking for. I have enjoyed doing lots more cooking and baking, walking everywhere instead of enduring sweaty journeys in the car, going running in bearable temperatures and the beautiful green scenery of the British countryside.

Salted caramel chocolate cheesecake, yum yum

'Green and pleasant land'

6) Your perspective can change

After the first initial month or so of being back, I found my thinking changing. Whilst I still felt positive overall, I began to feel more challenged about things I'd seen and learned in Zambia. I realised that there aren't tidy little conclusions to a lot of life's questions - poverty and wealth, life and death - which are things faced on a daily basis in Zambia. Whilst out there in a different culture, you tend to just get on with things and approach challenges as they come. Then back in the developed world, it can feel frustrating that these issues aren't front of mind for everyone. 

Lives facing different challenges

7) You can't fully convey your experiences 

Lots of people will ask you a lot of questions about your experiences and what you're going to do next. It's good that people are interested but it can also sometimes be difficult to know how to answer. For me, it initially felt sufficient to respond by simply saying Zambia was great, or I'd had an amazing experience. It was true, I had. But over time, I felt like that was a very simplistic answer to a question that couldn't be answered easily at all. This has been my major frustration - I love communicating with people yet I struggle to convey the complexity of what I have seen and learned. Sometimes it makes you not want to say anything at all. So don't worry if you don't want to talk about it for a while, maybe just saying it was great buys you a bit of time before you really try and delve further.

8) Go with the flow

We should all be good at this after living in Africa! Allow yourself time to adjust and experience all the emotions you may or may not encounter – laugh, cry, grieve, celebrate, smile; all of which I’ve done! Like me, you may well find yourself living in a state of limbo. I didn't expect to have two months off before getting a job (it turns out that changing your employment sector is another road to navigate) and I'm not someone who likes to sit around!

However, for me it has been an unexpected blessing. I've had proper chunks of time to visit friends, to reflect and not rush around like I used to before when I lived in the UK. Apparently one of the common effects of reverse culture shock is exhaustion. Not only do you need time to rest after what has been a physically, emotionally and spiritually demanding time, but you also need time and space to re-adjust. Cut yourself a little slack.

Visiting uni friends

9) Be frustrated and make changes

Being away has allowed me to view my own culture with a sharper focus. I see things that I think are brilliant about it. But it also means I see some of its weaknesses more clearly. I struggle with these weaknesses because I am part of the problem, it’s not just about what everyone else does. I've seen another side of the world and the poverty that the majority of the world live in, but even then I find it hard to get my head around it. I see the excess and waste that my culture (me included) produces and only now it dawns on me the effect this has on others. Nevertheless, I can't convey the weight of the responsibility that I feel those of us in the UK have. With wealth and power comes great responsibility - I just didn't realise how much wealth and power we have.

Decluttering!

10) Culture and faith

Living overseas really showed me that culture is a way of thinking. One aspect of my culture that I have found challenging is our attitude of self-sufficiency and sometimes animosity towards God. Poverty in Zambia seemed to bring a sort of humility that made people more aware of their own limitations and need for help. Whilst here in the UK, it seems as if we think if there is a God, he needs to prove himself to his creation. We hear of and increasingly experience relationship breakdown, mental health difficulties, acts of terrorism and many other tragedies. We know individually we're not really an island and that we need help with anxiety, fear and disappointment. Most people realise that money and fame don't solve these problems. Meditation, counselling and mindfulness seem to be sought after. Perhaps because of what I’ve seen, it seems crazy to me that God and prayer is a last resort. For me, it's my faith that has got me through this time of change and will continue to, whatever the future holds. I don't know the future but I do know who does.

Fab friends

I hope you continue to enjoy your time living and working in Zambia. Although it is not always easy, it is such a privilege to have the opportunity to live in different cultures. So embrace your two lives - all the positives, challenges and everything in between!

Lots of love 

Ellie

Money, possessions and ‘stuff’

Living in Zambia, the supermarket that I most often shopped at was called Shoprite. For some reason, it always has old cheesy songs playing in the background. I heard Chris De Burgh's 'Lady in Red' more times than I care to remember, and Cliff Richard’s ‘Mistletoe and Wine’ often blasted out throughout November and December. During one particular visit towards the end of my time in Zambia, Dido was playing and for some reason the lyrics from that particular song stuck with me.

Ndola supermarket

'Nothing I have is truly mine…' echoed in my head as I drove home.

I thought about this for a moment. I was driving a vehicle that wasn’t mine; it had been donated to Arise. The apartment I lived in wasn’t mine; it was built for the Bible College by volunteers. Obviously I had clothes, food and other things (both useful and useless) stored there but I planned to donate a lot of it when I left Zambia to move back home. After all, it’s just ‘stuff’.

The apartment block where I lived

Living in Zambia as a volunteer has certainly challenged my perspective towards money and possessions. I’m sure this sounds very typical of someone adjusting to life in the UK after spending a length of time in Africa! But it stands out to me because it’s difficult to convey the enormity of the poverty there, compared to our wealth here at home. In the UK, the culture tends to be about working towards owning more and more, and getting bigger and better things. It’s easy to prioritise convenience over cost and treat lots of things like they’re disposable, just because we can buy another one if we need to. I wonder if it’s this kind of thinking that can lead us to feel like we never have enough and even wonder if we will ever be content.

Children in Kaniki

I used to cringe when I would hear children being told, "There are starving children in Africa who would eat that!" in order to make them finish their dinner. It always seemed a silly thing to say because it doesn’t mean that meal would be transported all the way across the globe for someone else to eat it! However I do think that there really is a link between the choices we make and how other people live. It is very easy to waste food and be excessive about what we buy. (Tearfund's 'Renew our Food' campaign is worth reading about in connection with this.) Just by being a bit more conscious about how we spend our money, we can have more left to give away to help others. Thousands of charities like Arise and Kapumpe can use a small amount of money to support people who are much more vulnerable than us, but who we’re unable to directly help ourselves. 

Meal for children in Arise

I used to think that a few small decisions made by one person could not make much of a difference, particularly when we consider the scale of the problem. According to the United Nations Food and Agriculture Organisation there are 795 million people in the world who are suffering from chronic malnourishment. The work that Arise and Kapumpe are doing in Kaniki and the surrounding areas is just a very tiny drop in a massive ocean. For each individual who is helped, there are many more who are not.

But I’ve seen that it still makes a difference to some. You might be aware of the starfish story; this is something that I was reminded of again and again whilst I worked in Zambia. It helped me to focus on what we can do and the people who we can make a small difference to. 

Being financially supported by my kind family, friends and church for more two years whilst I lived in Zambia might have made it easier for me to view money, possessions and stuff differently, as if it were not truly mine. But I don’t think that way of thinking is simply something to apply there. The Bible says that we are enriched in every way so that we can be generous on every occasion (2 Corinthians 9:11). So my challenge is now to work out what that looks like now that I’m back home and living in the UK. 

Sadly as I ponder that, there’ll be no more Cliff and other cheesy songs to sing along to in Sainsbury’s!

All change

It's now been a few weeks since I moved back to the UK so I will be posting my final few blog posts that I have written about my experiences. This one shares how I was feeling about leaving Zambia before I moved back…

Saying farewell at Kaniki

I'm not sure if it makes me a bit strange but I quite like change. Not horrendous life-altering difficulties of course, but I believe that lots of changes can be positive and bring about new opportunities.

Moving back to the UK will definitely be a big change for me. Although I’ve been back to visit, it was two and a half years ago since I was settled there and in the few years before that my life had changed a lot as a result of going through a divorce. When people ask how I’m feeling about the move back home, it’s tricky to answer.

Overall I am feeling positive and expecting the transition to be good. I’m also excited about it in fact. I am really looking forward to spending time with lots of friends and family who I have not been able to see much over the last couple of years. I’m looking forward to being part of family celebrations and friends' birthdays and all kinds of other events that I’ve missed. I am also looking forward to living on the same continent as my boyfriend.

Catching up with friends in the UK

I recently watched a movie which was set in London and it reminded me lots of things that I love about British culture and the UK. I’m looking forward to eating good cake and puddings, enjoying light summer evenings and barbecues, sitting in front of a cosy fire when it’s cold, going for walks in the countryside and even having decent WiFi. I am glad there will be less bugs, snakes and power cuts at home. I look forward to the convenience of being able to walk to places or drive on smooth roads, and being able to pop to the shop or order pretty much anything online.

Welcome home cake - my friends know me well!

However, there are numerous things that I will miss about Zambia. Most importantly I will miss the people who have become my friends and I will be particularly sad to leave the wonderful children from Kapumpe and Arise. They are such fun to be around and never fail to bring a smile to my face. I will also hugely miss the constant sunshine, beautiful sunsets, swimming in the outdoor pool, a more relaxed attitude to life, and the friendliness of people who take time to greet you whether they know you or not. I will also miss my little dog who I adopted in Zambia and will have to go to a new owner here when I move home.

With colleagues and friends 

Archie waving goodbye 

I imagine it will feel quite strange not having petrol attendants at petrol stations waiting to fill up the tank for me, or people ready to pack my shopping for me in the supermarket like there are in Zambia. I know I will find it hard to say goodbye to the amazing children and staff I've worked with here, and living so far away whilst knowing some of the challenges they are facing will be hard. But just because something is hard doesn't mean it's not what you should do. Living in Zambia has had many challenges. Life is not as straightforward here, but the initial adventure that has become my normal life has been a wonderful, life-changing experience. 

Some of the lovely children at Kapumpe 

Having thoroughly enjoyed the challenge of working for a charity in Zambia, I’m now looking for a job in the 'third sector' (charity). I’m motivated to try something new, find something I’m passionate about and hopefully use what I’ve learned, to make a difference in a different setting.

When I get home, will things continue as they were? I don’t think so. Hopefully I will follow a different career and I’ll live in a different house, possibly even a different city. But not only that. A friend told me to remember that everyone else’s lives will have moved on as well as mine. Because of this and because my experiences have changed me, things will be different. But change can be good! I have been hugely challenged about my attitude to the poor, to be generous with the resources I have, to consider ethical issues more and about the importance of empowering others. These things will definitely be on my conscience as I settle into another ‘new normal’ life. 

At Ndola airport 

I hope this blog post gives you a flavour of my mixed emotions. Yet I know in it all that God has a purpose for the things he leads us to do. When we look back we often see opportunities that particular situations brought about. And just to add word of warning…for those I see when I have moved back home, I may talk a lot as I process my amazing experiences. I hope you will be gracious and allow me to reminisce about Zambia!

As one chapter closes, a new chapter opens. And with every ending there is a new beginning.

Looking for a sponsor for the lovely Lawrence

My sister Rhi couldn't keep away from Zambia this year either! She made her third trip to Kaniki to spend two weeks with me before we travelled back to the UK together. You may remember that she's an Occupational Therapist so last year spent some time supporting Lawrence, one of the pupils at Kapumpe. Here she provides an update on his progress and explains why we are now hoping to find him a sponsor...

Rhi with Lawrence and some of his friends

Last summer I wrote a blog post about Lawrence, a student at Kapumpe who has cerebral palsy. This year I returned to Kapumpe and met Lawrence again. He is now in Grade 2, running around school confidently on crutches and still as happy as ever. When doing Lawrence’s exercises with him, I noticed that he seemed much stronger and more flexible than he was last year. Lawrence and his father told us that they have been doing the exercises with him at home, and that he has been walking at home with his crutches rather than crawling which is how he had moved around previously.

Confident on crutches

Grade 2 at Kapumpe

When I returned to Kapumpe, his Grade 2 teacher told me that unfortunately Lawrence has missed a significant amount of school due to the weather – the rainy season runs from November to April in Zambia. Last summer Rosie and I visited Lawrence and his family and saw how rural their home is. It helped us to see and understand why any wet weather or problems with their bike prevents Lawrence from attending school. Lawrence is such a happy and motivated student so it’s frustrating to see how these factors impact his education.

Ellie with Lawrence's teacher

Lawrence’s Grade 2 teacher is physically disabled herself, and was supported by Arise to attend a school in town for children with physical disabilities. She has been teaching at Kapumpe since the school began in 2014, and has defied the usual expectations for people with disabilities in her community. This is something we want for Lawrence. After discussing the situation with his teacher and Lawrence’s father, Arise and Kapumpe teams are considering whether this school in town would be more beneficial for Lawrence. He would be able to board at the school and therefore eliminate the problems he has with attendance, and there would be physiotherapy available on site and access to a doctor for any medical issues that may arise.

Lawrence's parents

Unfortunately Lawrence’s family are not in a position to be able to afford this school. Whilst we see their commitment in bringing Lawrence such a distance to school and in doing his exercises at home, they have struggled to contribute to the hugely discounted fees that Kapumpe has charged so far. Therefore we are looking for a kind-hearted person who would be interested in sponsoring £25 per month to enable Lawrence to attend this specialist school in town. If you would be interested in helping or would like more information please feel free to get in touch.

Lawrence loving the slide

Life’s Not Fair!

My grandpa often used to say, “Life’s not fair!". Sometimes this would be in reference to me being able to eat lots of pudding and cake but not seeming to put on weight. I didn’t mind too much about life not being fair in this regard! I just continued to enjoy all things sweet.

My grandpa Howard with my cousin

Recently I was thinking about this saying when I saw one of our elderly guardians doing some piece work in the school grounds. He was spending the day slashing grass, which is physically very demanding in the hot sunshine, as well as being an extremely monotonous job. For a day's work, he will earn 25 kwacha (just under £2.50). 

Slashing grass

Recently the man turned up for work late and said it was because he was cooking nshima for his wife who is physically unable to cook for herself. One of the Zambian members of our Arise team told him off and emphasised that if he wants to work he must prioritise it and get up earlier to cook for his wife so that he can get to work on time. I felt bad for him knowing his circumstances, but the next day he turned up on time and did the job with more dignity. He was glad for the opportunity to earn some money. We made sure we provided a decent lunch for him because it’s one way we can help him whilst still keeping in line with local wages.

The gentleman with his wife and one of their friends

This man is one of the guardians in our Arise project. He lives with his elderly wife who suffered a stroke some years ago, leaving her unable to speak properly or use one side of her body. She shuffles around the house or sits outside, and uses a wheelchair around the village. They are guardians to two young boys, their grandchildren. The boys’ mother (their daughter) is an alcoholic who doesn’t look after her sons and sadly their father abandoned the family.

Visiting the family

Life is without doubt difficult for this family. It is a daily struggle to provide food, even though Arise helps a little with this. Bringing up the boys is a challenge; as they are young they have lots of energy and no experience of boundaries – they wander around the village rather than spending their free time at home. Although it isn’t legal, it is culturally acceptable here to beat children and this is the only punishment method that many adults are aware of, or believe to be effective.

The boys are sponsored through Arise to attend Kapumpe Christian Primary School 

This particular family live in a small house in a rural, impoverished area next to the Congolese border. The majority of homes in this area are small mud brick and thatched houses. The houses are in close proximity to each other and the area is densely populated. It is a close-knit community and the HIV rate is said to be 50%. 

A typical house in the area

So whilst this gentleman was slashing grass, I returned to the Arise office after having a nice lunch in my own apartment. I thought about how I have been able to choose to move to another country and use my education and experiences to do a job of my choice. Life most certainly isn’t fair.

Arise office

Sometimes it is difficult to reconcile the way that people live in such different economic circumstances, particularly when it does not seem to be due to any choice they themselves have made. One of the things that helps me to live with this unfairness is the belief that this life is not all there is. I recently read a great book by Andrew and Rachel Wilson called ‘The Life You Never Expected’ (2015), which explores faith and suffering. They suggest that, "although we’re not able to imagine a world where all suffering is made up for, that doesn’t mean that it couldn’t happen, it just means our minds are limited".

I know not everyone will find solace in this or agree with my view. But a hope of heaven is how I live with the discomfort of life not being fair. This is described in a poignant quote from the Russian novel, 'The Brothers Karamazov': 

I believe like a child that suffering will be healed and made up for, that all the humiliating absurdity of human contradictions will vanish like a mindful pitful mirage...that in the world's finale, at the moment of eternal harmony, something so precious will come to pass that it will suffice for all hearts, for the comforting of all resentments, for the atonement of all crimes of humanity, of all the blood they've shed; that it will make it not only possible to forgive but to justify all that has happened.

Children in the village